Monday, March 30, 2009


Aside from step stools my life is ruled by booty. Whether it be monetary or sexual. Now I'm not saying I am some kind of princess that need diamonds and pearls, but I have bills to pay. I'm also not saying I am some kind of sex fiend, but there are times when I could really use some action. As I sit here listening to some dancehall, I hear Cecile singing Miss Dynamite and I realize booty rules us all. You are not exempt!

Isn't it funny how this symbol has been brought back upon us mostly in kids clothing and toys. My kids favorite snack is Pirate's Booty for gods sake! Pirates are all the rage to the 7 and under group.

If you like dancehall, dub, ska and sounds that make you wine ya bumsie, check out the Balanced pod casts.What's your favorite sites to get music to bogle to?

It's all about booty I tell you!

Saturday, March 28, 2009

tippy... pull me...

My life is run amok by toys. I'm surrounded by them. If not my kids toys all over my apartment, it's toys in my store. People bombarded me with questions about toys thinking I must know about every brightly colored, plastic play thing out there. I guess it's my fault for opening a kids store. But I actually really love feeling like people look up to me and trust my opinion. Just another ego booster, which I am always desperately looking for.

Along with my superior knowledge of things kids like to play with, I'm a bit of a vintage toy nut. I mean there are people way worse than me, but I'm pretty bad. Customers come into the store and want to buy some of my classic Fisher-Price goodies so I slap outrageous prices on them to snuff the sale. I love the bright colors, the basic shapes and the nostalgia of knowing some kid my parents (or grandparents) age played with these vintage objects. Just think of the 30 year old buggers smeared on these cute play things!

For accuracy sake, it is not Tippy the Turtle, it is Tip Toe Turtle, but I love Tippy and wanted to represent. He taught kids to duck and cover in case of a nuclear attack. What could be better than that? If you've never seen The Atomic Cafe check it out. Although the last time I saw it I was in high school, so it could really suck.

I'm not really into fat guys, but Humpty is an exception! He lost his pull string so I wrote 'pull me' to throw some Bklyn sarcasm his way. He looks so happy and the dumb ass doesn't even have a string. Good thing he doesn't have to duck and cover!

Friday, March 27, 2009

step UP

This is the bane of my existence! Yes a step stool. I am the size of most 9 year olds and feel like I spend half my life either on a step stool or looking for one. If someone comes into my store over 5'3" I put their asses to work because there is so much stuff I can't reach! I sent a friend of mine into shock when he realized I am only a few inches from being a dwarf. People have walked right into me because the didn't see me. I just can't wear heels all the time. One time I was on the bus and these 12 year olds started a fight with me because they thought I was some kid from their school! It just ain't right!

Lucky for me I'm pretty damn cute and get away with all kinds of stuff because of my vertically challenged stature. People offer to help me and give me all their clothes that are too small. I wear kids sizes and they are so much cheaper than adult stuff, especially sneakers. So it isn't all bad. Just wish my life wasn't ruled by a step stool!

Thursday, March 26, 2009


I drew this after an awesome ride to Prospect Park to pay respect to my father, whose ashes are buried under a Tea Cup Magnolia near the meadow. I'm so glad warm weather is upon us!

When I was in college I was a serious bike geek. I saved for 2 years to get a 13.5" Gary Fisher Advance, chromoly frame, all-terrain bike (I wont bore you with the rest of the specs, but I certainly could). It was the smallest adult bike on the market and I wanted it! [insert laughs at the size of the bike here]

After 10 good years of riding Electra (as I named her) and lots of waitress jobs, I fell into the world of advertising. I was Senior Art Director of a small agency on Park Avenue South (so I'm showing off, isn't that what this is about). I would ride from my not-so-fabulous loft in Bushwick (definitely pre-gentrification in 1998) to 28th and Park. As with much of NY, there was a scaffold surrounding my building. I locked Electra up to the scaffold and went to work. When I came down for lunch she was gone. Bitch got stolen!!! Not outside my shit-hole in Bushwick, but on Park Ave!

A number of years later I was at my daughter's school telling someone of my beloved Electra. She said she had a bike that she never rode and gave it to me! The generosity of some people never ceases to amaze me. Now it is no Gary Fisher, but it certainly gets all those assy muscles working. I have a yuppie kids seat on the back so I can ride the little guy around, although I'm having some trouble with the seat hitting the break. I cut off part of the foot rest to see if that will help, but it didn't (please comment with advice). Even with the faulty breaks I am in love again and I've got the muscles to prove it!

Along with my FREE bike, the helmet sketched above was also FREE! I got it at one of the DOT free helmet giveaways. Check out the DOT calendar for the next giveaway in May. I am such a sucker for good free shit and there is plenty out there.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

see me

I had a friend in high school that would shout at people if they didn't pay attention to her, "What am I a piece of glass and you see right through me?" She certainly earned some attention that way. Well I can't say I feel like a piece of glass, but it sure isn't easy to find people who actually see you. To help me with my quest to find someone who actually sees me, I've decided to write a personal ad. I have no desire to date but a friend or two with benefits would be perfect. ;)
Woman, the size of most 8 year olds, seeks man to get horizontal with

Who could resist this one! After 10 years of marriage, this fabulously tiny woman comes with suitcases full of emotional baggage. And what fun you'll have playing with her two bratty kids. They love to throw temper tantrums and will make you feel completely uncomfortable by talking endlessly about their genitalia. But that's not all! This lady runs her own business that is so much fun she never leaves. Try talking to her during the day. It's a hoot! Better get this one while she's still on the rebound.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009


Some days I am more pathetic than others. I did this on one of my more pathetic days. I was feeling super lonely and instead of picking the phone to call someone I just looked at it hoping it would ring. I went on feeling sorry for myself and drew this picture. Could I be more of a looser?

The irony of this story is that I began the drawing at my store on a very slow day. Boo hoo for me... That night I was off to meet some friends so I continued the sketch on the train. Of course the very pathetic, lonely MissG ran into a friend on the subway, making my sad image sort of obsolete. But after my friend got off the train I went back to my dark place and finished the drawing. I think I colored it in the next day because I ended up hanging out relatively late and I'm sure I was a bit too drunk. All that feeling sorry for myself and I spent a night with all kinds of people who still didn't call me! Pathetic!

Monday, March 23, 2009

pretty backyard and acupuncture

A couple of weeks ago I spent a great weekend at my BFFs house in NJ (no comments please). This is a sketch I did of their back yard.

There was a group of us from Jr. High that all slept over. It was a blast! One of my friends from the days of smelly pits and greasy hair married an acupuncturist who offered us free sessions. I, of course, asked for something to help slow me down. He proceeded to put 10 needles in my back and a few on my arms.

I began to feel a tingle and was nearly relaxed when I noticed a strange sound. It was some kind of slurping. Suddenly the door swings open and my friend says "MUTTLEY WHAT ARE YOU DOING???" Muttley is my 14 year old mutt. I'm sure I don't have to tell you what it was. Within seconds every window is open, I'm freezing my ass off and can't move bec. I have a total of 12 needles in my body, not to mention the smell is making my eyes bleed!

Luckily I have a good friend who cleaned up the gift from my incontinent dog, but couldn't quite get my shoes back to a normal state.

As is with my life, I must face reality and realize that I am not allowed to relax, no matter how hard I try. Even with needles pressing into specific spots hoping to force some relaxation and to ease some tension, it is not allowed.

One day I'll have to post about how I nearly died from a pimple and got a toothbrush enlodged in my throat...

Sunday, March 22, 2009


I am a little person so I have a serious Napoleonic complex, hence my BIG HEADPHONES. I like to block out the world and listen to really loud music.

I totally messed up this picture by trying to put lightning bolts next to the headphones. They just didn't work. Then I remembered the shading I had done in my brownstone picture and thought I could correct my ill-fated lightening bolts. I guess it worked out. But I'm no real artist, so what do I know?

Saturday, March 21, 2009

BrownStone Bklyn

Here is a group of brownstones I sketched while my son slept in the stroller and I sat on a bench in Forte Greene Park. I definitely have brownstone envy.

I've lived in Brooklyn all my life, as has most of my family. But we are part of a sad bunch that never lived in a 'real' brownstone. The house my family and I lived in was brick with awesome tar paper. What a lost medium, tar paper. So what if they get hot and fall off. They sparkle and look cool.

Our house was laid out like a brownstone on the inside, but very small. It only had 4 tiny rooms with an apartment upstairs. One of my favorite stories is when I found a gun in the basement. My mother told me it was from the last people that lived in the house. Of course I was the 5th generation to live in that house, so the last people to live there were my mother, her brother and her parents. Apparently she was trying to be diplomatic about letting me know that the gun was part of our history.

Friday, March 20, 2009


So I get up around 5:45. Hit snooze about a dozen times and end up rolling out of bed at about 6:30. Get the kids up. Do all the morning rituals and drop my big one at the bus stop. On this morning after making our morning bus drop off, the little guy and I headed back to the apartment and dozed off. Well he did! By 8:12 he was sound asleep. That little mamas boy better WAKE UP! We have things to do!